sorry to my guitar........

i feel so sorry for my guitar because it has been chucked away since i bought it:( promised myself that i will learn the guitar after buying it,but learing without a teacher is so hard~~~Too bad i am too broke to go for guitar lesson but i just saw some inspiration on some forum where many people shared their experience of learning guitar by themselve!!!i must also work harder to learn it,i dont want give up so easily!!I had a strange though that since guitar was build by man,the guy who design the guitar would not had know how to play a guitar originally,he must have also spend lots of time trying to master the guitar,so there is no reason for me to faiing in learing guitar just because i dont have a teacher:) However i wont mind if i got a chance to go for guitar lesson though......................gonna work hard and earn money to make my dream come true:)

超爱这首歌的，李佳薇很棒！！！

有时候看到那些幸福的情侣让我好想赶快找一个伴。但是不知道是不是因为单身太久了，我根本无法判断什么是爱什么是不爱。我总是到暧昧这一步就无法再前进了。因为我连自己到底是否真的喜欢她都不能确定，所以选择了逃避，不敢面对爱情。太久没恋爱了，搞到自己连心动的感觉都忘记了。。。也许就自己一个人这么过下去吧。我不想再奢望爱情了，只不过是没爱过，没什么大不了。反正都习惯了。。。

有些時候 要相信自己有資格享受幸福很困難 但請嘗試 請堅持 直到那天...

Feeling so pissed off now,just came back from doing volunteering and my father start scolding me again,really don't know what thing he not happy with me!!!people go out is not play leh,i went to volunteer you also not happy.scold me wat useless,it is you who ar fucking useless,only know how to sleep at home.sometime i really don't know wat i must do to make you happy,but now i have straight out my thinking alrdy,no point for me to get upset over your scolding,anyway it have been so many years and i had gotten use to it....If there is really a god somewhere in this world,i hope you can let me find a place where i can really rest my heart in,i am so tired with life:[

勇气 迷路兵

我老弟介绍的，超high版的勇气！！！nic在接近结尾的狂叫超赞的!!迷路兵加油!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

最近发现自己在Facebook浪费了太多时间了，很想戒掉它：( 想到当初我用Facebook的原因是因为我想跟朋友多交流，没想到弄巧成拙，因为我发现很多朋友都不时常再上Facebook了。。。也许是应为他们都很忙吧，又或者他们都去玩Twitter 了吧？？而且我发现自己很久没好好坐下来看本书了。自从迷上了Facebook后，自己就好像失去了自己，每天都在Refresh wall post看看朋友的近况，却不和他们联络，渐渐地，我们都疏远了。我现在明白其实友情是要经营的，facebook并不能取代人与人的沟通。我希望别再有人犯这个错。总而来说，我想说的就大家是别再宅在家里Facebook或twitter了。朋友嘛，想他们的话就约出来叙叙旧吧 ~~~(虽然我这么说，但是巨蟹座的我也很难主动约他们出来吧，怕尴尬>。<)另外我最近也迷上了微博，大家也关注我吧！！！！嘻嘻XD

到现在我才明白为什么没有任何人能让我心动，原来我的心早已经死了。

有时候我觉得我快要被逼到极限了，像站
在针尖上。忽然觉得我更像一根针，伤人，自
伤。这是针尖般的孤独。

$$$i need money!!!$$$i need money!!!

its finally holiday,but this holiday feels strange because i still had one exam left,hmm if only i didn overslpt.anyway i am looking for holiday job for money,i want to buy a new handphone and guitar!!!feel so bored now,mine laptop is down and i am left with a primitive symbian os nokia phone.i want a android!!!btw yesterday was teacher day,i wished i went back ytd:( i missed my secondary teacher,classmate and everything about there!!but none of mine close clique wanted to go back:( going back alone feel akward,that the reason that put me off.sometimes i wished i could go back to secondary school times,i regretted not trying to know more about some of my secondary classmatee>.<

stressed!!!

exam is just around the corner!!!!!:< stress ahh hope that i can pass all the module at least>.< gonna start revising soon.so many things on my mind now how should i go about it??guess only time will give me the answers,i am really confuse with my feelings :x hope holiday come soon!!!! i need a break XD

this song is just like a mirror to my life......

Lyrics


Silhouettes above the cradle hold me down
They won't let me go the wrong way
My mother taught me all the fables, told me how
In the end all the sinners have to pay
But...

I don't wanna live like my mother
I don't wanna let fear rule my life
And I don't wanna live like my father
I don't wanna give up before I die

He worked so hard his bones are breaking
He wore them down but long ago he lost the feeling
His good intentions leave me shaking, show me how
I don't ever want to end up like he did
And...

I don't wanna live like my mother
I don't wanna let fear rule my life
And I don't wanna live like my father
I don't wanna give up before I die

When i have kids
I won't put any chains on their wrists, I won't
I'll tell them this
There's nothing in this world that you can't be if you want it enough

I don't wanna live like my mother
I don't wanna let fear rule my life
And I don't wanna live like my father
I don't wanna give up before I die

I don't wanna live like my mother
I don't wanna let fear rule my life
I don't wanna live like my father
I don't wanna give up before I die

巨蟹座

巨蟹是心軟的，容易被感動，即使表面看起來總是有一副硬硬的殼，但那殼子底下是一顆柔軟敏感到極至的內心。它們面對一份感情是猶豫再三的，不要說它們懦弱，它們只是明白自己是容易受傷的。他們對感情抱有信仰，相信純真、相信天長地久，所以有時是挑剔的。　　這是一層表面堅硬的殼，其實攻克輕而易舉，因為蟹蟹有一顆柔軟的心。　　蟹蟹戀愛了，這時的它們變的很粘人，很婆媽，因為你是它的中心，它會為你考慮很多，飯吃了嗎？天氣會變了嗎？記得帶傘哦！路上車多，慢點走哦！……..諸如此類！　　蟹蟹是深情而癡情的，愛上一個人會愛的很深，即使明知道沒有結果也很難自拔。這是巨蟹的一種固執，想要得到的東西，往往不會輕易放手。有時，一段沒有結果的戀情會成為蟹蟹的生活重心。這無疑是痛苦的，但又難以自拔。然而，巨蟹的不安全感又在內心大叫著放棄，所以這時的蟹蟹總是在堅持和放棄的巨大矛盾中苦苦煎熬著。學會放棄是蟹蟹的一門功課.　　當然，如果蟹蟹真的決定放棄了，它的堅決會讓所有人吃驚。　　　　要記住：除了你自己，沒有人可以傷害到你　　蟹子是癡情的，但又不善於表達，面對自己心愛的人拘謹、放不開。它們的幽默感此刻變得生澀。　　蟹子是深情的，但又不善於把握，為什麼一次次控制不住自己的情緒，說出明知不該講的話？　　分裂而善於幻想的寄居蟹在說巨蟹之前，先說說幾個一直以來欣賞的幾個偶像，他們都不同，但他們有一個共同點，就是，他們都是巨蟹男。周星馳，王家衛，羅大佑，李宗盛，梁朝偉，張學友……一般在每次排行榜中總是靠末的巨蟹們，看起來並沒有很明顯的個性，但是，他們在藝術方面的直覺和敏銳卻是別人難以匹敵，從這幾個人名裡就不難看出。他們在生活中都是溫文爾雅的，被動的，甚至往往是沉默的，但是在他們的電影，歌曲中，卻展露出令人驚異的才華，讓我們總是不由自主的為之傾倒。當周星馳讓我們笑得淚水橫流的時候，我們也早聽聞其實戲外的他認真嚴肅，不苟言笑，對待朋友和情人都很苛刻；我們知道在戲裡演什麼都神形畢似的影帝梁朝偉同性格南轅北轍的射手劉嘉玲20多年同居，至今都不願結婚，他總是說，其實他的人生就是在戲裡；我們知道張學友出道前曾經是黑社會的小混混，天天宿醉，自暴自棄，也看到張學友成名後依然為了家庭拚命打拼，幾近崩潰……　　這就是巨蟹，其實，最能說明巨蟹特質的，就是－－分裂無論是哪一種蟹，他們都有著分裂的思想。他們渴望安定，也渴望出人頭地，他們內心充滿藝術的靈感，誇張的幻象，但是在現實生活中，他們總是低眉順眼，很難真正展露心中的狂想。所以在藝術的舞台上，他們反而得以施展，讓心中奇異的狂想放大到極致，他們可以將任何一首歌一個角色演繹的入木三分，所有來自於生活中被動的接受，在藝術的殿堂上得到了最好的宣洩，所以巨蟹真的應該屬於舞台。即使沒有好的歌喉沒有好的外形，但是他們有良好的感受力和表現力，他們的性格實際上更像是一隻寄居蟹，在真正自我的生活中，他們常常將自己包裹的很緊，但在詮釋和演繹別人的時候，他們那內心的感情得到了釋放。　　巨蟹座的另一個長處是他們有著哲學的思考力世界因兩股力量相互消長，而水象就是典型的陰柔之力。水象星座的人有一種天生的宇宙觀，巨蟹也是如此，加之他們天生有母愛的情結，所以他們的思考往往帶有著人性化的關懷。所以從事與藝術相關的行業的巨蟹，無論如何都可以算是幸運的巨蟹，因為能夠得以發揮天然的性格所長。但是不是每個巨蟹都有這樣的機會，所以大多數巨蟹都會感到自己的壓抑和痛苦。他們不是沒有渴望，相反他們需求很多，渴望很多，但是他們總是躲在自己的殼裡做著各式各樣的幻夢，只是在想，很少實施。所以如果你看到的總是低眉順眼的巨蟹實際上並不是真正的巨蟹。那只是巨蟹的一個假象。　　永遠無法抹去的自卑巨蟹們其實是自我感覺很好的心高氣傲的一群人，但是卻又難以克服時時刻刻想躲進殼裡的自卑感。他們天生多疑和敏感，碰到困難，就先躲進殼裡，自欺欺人，在夢中編織自我的安全感，而從來沒有想到如何主動將危機轉化為機遇。他們對待困難的消極方式，使他們總很難真正木秀於林，他們總在捕捉他們認為最好的時機，但是那個時機卻總是無法到來，其實世間哪有萬全之策？當蟹蟹們艱苦的自我互博之時，大好時機已經失去。但是要改變這種天生的自卑感確乎很難，蟹蟹們幾乎完全不由自主。　　懷舊是巨蟹們的人生主旋律巨蟹們非常懷舊。他們喜歡舊東西，懷戀舊感情，對家庭有著天然的眷戀。泛黃的相片，褪色的絲帶，塵封的梳妝台……所有一切帶有浪漫情調的舊物，都可以讓他們獨自神傷，黯然追想，他們總是沉浸在過去的回憶裡，永遠記得年少時的孤寂敏感，永遠記得初戀情人，多年後仍然四處找尋初戀情人的消息，慰籍多年來始終保持新鮮的記憶。所以王家衛的電影總喜歡用這樣的句式開頭：多年以後……　　忽冷忽熱患得患失的愛情他們天生悲觀，永遠需要多一點，更多一點的安全感。為什麼他們如此需要安全感，因為他們天生就沒有安全感，所以他們是很容易恐慌的，所以他們也就變得非常的多疑和猜忌。愛上一個巨蟹是要仔細思量的，因為他們會突然忽冷忽熱，突然置之不理，突然惡言相向，但是其實他們並非不愛你，他們有時候是在跟自己嘔氣。他們渴望天天24小時同你粘在一起，他們對愛人有著強烈的佔有慾，恨不得掏心掏肺給你，他們關注你的點點滴滴，小到為你買一支發卡，大到幫你選擇哪路公車……他們都費勁心思，他們時時刻刻每件事都為你考量，但又因為付出的不停增加而變得越來越擔心害怕，會不會得不到對等的愛。所以他們會突然變得冷淡了，也許只因為你一個眼神，他們就覺得你已經不如從前，於是開始無休止的試探，他們說話總是轉彎抹角，但是卻總希望你永遠清晰表態，假設某天你也含糊了一下，那就完了，蟹蟹們立刻條件反射的開始惴想出無數個虛擬場景，在無盡的悲觀中，意淫出種種悲慘場面，然後再見你時，就已經是冷口冷面，甚至說出無比絕情的話語－－所以，你和巨蟹的他們，是要努力去磨合的，給他們足夠的信賴和安全，他們回饋你的，絕對讓你感動的熱淚盈眶。　　虛偽包裝下易感的心實際上巨蟹善於偽裝。他們喜歡笑，無論何時何地，他們常常微笑，也許這笑容有時候讓人欣慰，但有時候卻會讓人感到非常的虛偽。當然巨蟹們也總有自己的小奸小壞，但是他們虛偽的前提卻總是先為了保護自己。他們對自己應得的利益是淄銖必較，有時候會讓人感到他們是不是很小心眼，但是，在朋友聚會等場合上，他們又絕對是豪爽大方，主動搶著付賬的人。所以其實巨蟹是個公私概念很明確的人，他們對該得的絕對毫不客氣，而對待朋友，他們又覺得其實這點錢根本不算什麼。他們是眷戀朋友和家人的，他們基本都有些喜歡酒。而且酒量都還不錯，因為他們眷戀那種賓客相盡歡的氣氛，更眷戀著家的和樂融洽之感。所以巨蟹們喜歡做飯，即使不會做飯也對美食有天然偏愛，他們懂得享受居家生活，所以巨蟹們有個理想婚姻是最快樂的事情。問題是巨蟹們卻常常選擇晚婚或不結婚，因為他們多疑又害怕，他們總是對新幻境充滿懷疑，對新的家庭又嚮往又拒絕，在自我矛盾中，不斷蹉跎了年華。　　自己為自己創造安定感覺巨蟹們總是不安，這是一種不好的感覺，因為如此，許多巨蟹枉然蹉跎，終日鬱鬱。其實，巨蟹們可以嘗試自己為自己創造安定的感覺。找一個家裡人都喜歡的對象，建立一個自己的家，也許巨蟹會發現自己會變得安穩很多。找個摩羯是比較理想的選擇。或者找一個自己的愛好，傾注所有的心血，自己也會變得安定很多。當然蟹蟹們也許會說，你這是站著說話不腰疼啊，要是那麼容易的話，還用得著你說嗎？呵。但是，無論怎樣，當我們自己意識到自己的不安，就該努力去克服他，其實殼外的世界，沒有那麼可怕，這是真的。　　總的說來，巨蟹們很可愛，尤其是在藝術上有成就的那些人，他們創造的都是令人仰止的豐碑，所以巨蟹們不必沒來由自卑，其實你們都很出色。

22届金曲奖感触。。

第22届的金曲奖才刚被颁发，大赢家是周董。他一个人就包走了两个奖，虽然我其实比较支持jj的但是我觉得jj虽败仍荣啦，因为对手是周董，太强了。最让我觉得可惜的是SHE，因为她们没有赢得最佳演唱組合獎：（都不知道大嘴巴酱赢得咯。最讨厌的就是奖颁完后，評審还补上一个说以「未來性」為評選標準的理由来解释She没赢奖得原因。我觉得这个解释很白痴咯，难道说she已经没有未来了吗？？><我明白selina的伤势还没复原，（也不知道歌唱事业能不能继续下去）但是我觉得这一届的最佳演唱組合獎应该是she赢的啦，不管是以实力还是支持度，she都略胜一筹（其实不止咯）。而且他们评审这样说会让she和尤其是selina感到伤心得咯，说人家没未来，你才没脑袋勒。ella庆功宴时还因为评审说的那些话而感到闷闷不乐，打电话给selina时还哭了出来。当ella哭说不知道SHE还有没有机会出新专辑再参加下一届的金曲奖。。。She她们当时一定很伤心吧，老天真是残酷，要selina一个人这样受折磨。。。总而言之，我希望selina能赶快复原然后she再次合体出新专辑，赢得金曲奖！！JJ和A-lin/hebe田馥甄也不要放弃，再接再厉，做出更好的音乐，赢得下一届的金曲歌王和歌后！！让那些质疑它们的烂评判跌破眼镜！！哈哈哈：P

Digimom xros war song!!!i love TWILL wohooo

LOL saw the official of "new world" by twill today,i have always wonder who is the one singing this song and i could not believe myself when i found they were a twin haha.They have great voice and they look so cute>< would love to buy their album if i could find one in singapore anyway haha

ah gong

went to tan tock seng hospital today to visit my ah gong,my father told me that he is having problem with his intestine and he just undergo two operation.It seems that he is suffering from cancer too but that what my father told me,hope it is not as serious as he said ba.I am not really close with my ah gong.To be frank,the only time i see my ah gong is during new year,when we have out reunion dinner.I think we have only speak like no more than 20 word,pathetic huh i guess.I was shocked when i and my brother went into the ward that my ah gong was in,so many tubes was inserted on him.I guess him must be feeling really uncomfortable,he also have his stomach open out and tube inserted to help him release his bowel.upon sawing his face,i then realise how old he was like,he look so tired,he could hardly talk.I speak with him for a few sentence only but it was the longest conversation i had with him for the near 18 year i have live,and he he told me that he want to recover soon and go back to work and give me and brother $200.I felt so touched,because he was lying on his bed so sick but he was still thinking of working to give me money to spend,he also said something like my father because he dun earn much and he wish he could help us. I felt so helpless and abit angry at the same time.i was helpless because i wished i could do something that can make him feel better,angry because i was angry about my father attitude toward his life,he was always so sloppy and lazy,never ever thought of finding a stable job to earn money to support the family,he is so inresponsible.making his own father,which is my ah gong to worry for him when he is already so old???It really meke me feel so mad.Anyway i hope my ah gong will recover fully i can have more time to know more about him.haiss i hope it is not too late for me to realise that:(

tired

its has been so long since i updated my blog,too busy huh.anyway its already the month may for 2011,time really flies.so much thing had changed for me.new course new module to learn so tiring,still gonna go work tmr haiss hope i can tahan dun wanna give up so soon.there is so much project and homework to do tho.sometimes i really wonder why am i working so hard,what's the point???i really miss my old coursemate at asm but the choice to leave asm was made by me,i guess it up to me to open up myself and make new friend.life is about gain some lose some i guess.was really excited when roy say that he is planning to organise a trip to vietnam for community work!!!really hopes that the trip can work out,cause i have been dreaming to do something so meaningful like this!!!btw hope i can work out my schedule for me to go for my cca,works really take up much of my time,but i need the $$$$.but wait,actually even if i recieve my pay,i also wun have time to spend it cause i am so busy to go enjoy life,zzzz.hope to find time to go overseas with fren and learn some music instrument,guitar maybe???but no money wat to do???so stressed up now.studies,fren,dreams,working,all this expectation really weights me down......:(

thoughts

Its valentine day today,it may be a special days for many people especially couples,but it don't really mean anything to me,cause i never had the courage to confess to the person i love even if had one.guess its gonna be a lonely valentine day again for me this year haizz.gonna start studying soon too exam is coming.anyway,happy valentine days to everyone out there,couples can be happy and people who are single,don't be too sad,lets hope that the next year you will be celebrating it with the person you love~~~